For a woman, sex can be the best thing in the world and it can also be the worst. I have wandered most of that spectrum and have learned a few things about both myself and my lovers. So here, for what it's worth, are some of my personal thoughts and a bit of advice on sex.
I truly love to explore a man's body, the curve of muscles on his arms, the hollow under his collar bone, the broad triangle of his back, all the small, sensitive parts of his hand... and elsewhere. I am capable of deeply appreciating and enjoying a man's body. But sex is so much more than bodies. Even the most beautiful man can leave me cold. Sex is an art and it requires dedication, talent and skill to reach the full potential of the act. First, sex is a hunger that needs to be shared. Being with a man who does not desire me, who does not respond to my responses, who does not delight in my pleasure and get aroused by my arousal, is never fully satisfying. A skilled lover who does not completely share in that feedback loop may still be able to give me an orgasm but it will be a mechanical thing, not worth pursuing. I would rather be with a man who has a talent for sex than one who is merely a great technician. I would always choose a somewhat naive and awkward lover who naturally responds to and delights in a woman's pleasure, over a man who has learned what buttons to push. So, all young or otherwise inexperienced men, please take this advice to heart... skill is less important than you probably think it is. Having said that, a man who brings both native talent and some education and experience to the bedroom (kitchen, beach or back alley) is what I'm really looking for. And by experienced I don't mean some good-looking stud who has a lot of notches on his bedpost. A few longer-term relationships will add more to your skill level than a long list of one-night stands. I think you need to get to know a few lovers very well, learn how to please them and how they can please you, and to reach the level of honesty and trust that you can both share every part of your sexual nature, before you can claim to be experienced.
I don't think most people realize the extent to which sexual preferences (even their own) vary. Women, and men, get turned on by many different things. What will send one person over the moon might do nothing (or annoy, or disgust, or frighten) another person. Although there are a lot of fairly standard desires (I've never met a man who doesn't like to have my mouth on his cock) as well as an unfortunate host of wide-spread inhibitions, many of our sexual triggers are very individual. There might be a way of dressing, the sight or touch of a particular body part, or specific words and tone of voice that send that tingle down your spine. Sex can be gentle or aggressive, quiet or loud, playful, earthy or almost ritualized, it can be private to the point of not even seeing each other or so public it is shared with strangers, vanilla or every outrageous flavor someone, somewhere can dream up. Even if you could drop every inhibition you were raised with, there are some things you won't enjoy and others that will surprise you by their impact on your libido. If you have never explored beyond the close, narrow representations of sex in North American culture, then no matter how many people you have had sex with, you are not an experienced lover. I encourage everyone to have an open mind and try some explorations that push your boundaries at least a little bit. Just always be respectful and attentive to your partner because without their pleasure, sex can turn into something unpleasant and even ugly. Keep in mind that what arouses a person often depends on circumstances and mood. Sometimes quiet, gentle sex in the dark is perfect (okay, not very often for some of us). But even those who think that is the only way they can enjoy sex might be surprised into a sharp stab of lust by the right man or woman whispering an aggressive, risky proposal into their ear while dancing under the moonlight. Remember, if you want to explore but your partner seems reluctant, circumstances can be created and moods can be encouraged. Fabulous sexual encounters sometimes take a little work.
Experience can be difficult and sometimes even dangerous to obtain. Although, at the end of the day, there is no real replacement for having been there, done (or tried) that, there are other ways to get educated about sex. There are books on the mechanics of sex and books on the psychology of sex. Best of all, I think, are the books that allow you to share in another person's very detailed, explicit fantasies of amazing sexual encounters. You can learn a lot about men, women and yourself by indulging in erotic reading material. With that, I invite you over to my website, read an excerpt and maybe buy a book... you never know, you might learn something! Feel free to comment, ask questions, etc. and I'll try to respond.