When you have nothing to say...write anyway.

What does a writer do when she has nothing to say? Easy, keep writing. All of us have both a creator and a judge inside our heads. Usually they work pretty closely together, like when you think of that snarky come-back line and then pull it before the words can escape your mouth and get you into trouble with your friend, husband, boss, etc. We've all been there, I'm sure. The fact is that you need both sides in life, and in writing. But, and this is the important thing, a writer cannot be both at the same time. When I allow my creative side and my get-into-the-details editor to share space in my head, I can't fill a blank page to save my life.

Before I started writing seriously (okay, it was only curiously back then) a friend lent me a book called "The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life", by Julia Cameron. I was so uplifted and encouraged by her book that I followed my inner voice and finished a novel in less than a year. It was wonderful. I felt like a god, creating an expansive science fiction universe full of alien races, strange technology, inter-galactic politics, long-buried secrets and, of course, romance.

The second book about writing that I picked up was called "Self-editing for Fiction Writers", by Renni Browne and Dave King, and I very nearly cried while reading it. I had made every beginning writer's mistake in the book - literally. Telling instead of showing, head-hopping, repetition and proportion problems, my poor novel had them all. From joy to crushing disappointment in an armchair afternoon.

Somehow I pulled myself together, took a hard look at all the work I had done and edited the opening scenes of my first novel into a short story. That piece ended up winning second place in a writing contest and I felt back on top of the world again. (The rest of the novel is still in my someday-to-be-rewritten folder.)

Then the real struggles began, the battle between what I wanted my writing to say and that little voice in the back of my head pointing out all the weaknesses and obvious mistakes in every single sentence I placed on the page. I wanted so badly to write well that I nearly destroyed my ability to write at all. The screen would never fill as I wrote and re-wrote until I gave up in frustration.

It took some discipline but I invested heavily in mental duct tape and learned to ignore the self-critical mumbles. Instead, I went back to listening to my characters, letting them talk, think, feel and act inside my head - typing up whatever I managed to capture and moving on. I re-discovered the joyous creative energy that had carried me through my first novel. I wrote a second novel, and a third. I kept writing and eventually even managed to publish some of it (my first published novel was In a Dark Embrace but I actually wrote both Healer's Price and Demon Master much earlier).

My point, and Julia Cameron's point, is that creativity needs to be free to flow, without judgment. The first part of writing is dashing down snippets of dialogue, unvarnished action sequences, emotional diatribes, even empty blathering about something you not-so-secretly know will be completely useless for your story or essay. Whatever comes, write it down and move on. Sometimes I'll write a line and then delete it without even really thinking about it because it was just so bad (my internal editor can be sneaky that way). What usually happens next is that I'll stare at the screen for a minute and then make myself type the exact same words over again. I do this because I can't immediately think of a better way of saying it, yet that something needs to be put down before I can move on to the next thing I really want to say. Moving on is important. When it's time to be creative you're always chasing the next idea, the next scene. Paying attention to what's already on the screen will just get you stuck.

Editing comes after that splurge of creativity. It might be days or even weeks later, or it might kick in every few hours. I'll often start my writing session with an edit of what I did before. It gets me back into the story and in sync with my characters. Then, when the story has come to an end, I'll edit the whole thing again, wait a month or two, and edit again. I've learned to accept that the editing stage will take at least as long as the initial writing stage. Good writing, at least for me, is not an efficient process. First it's messy and flawed then it's time-consuming and fussy, fiddling with the words until they at least approach what you want them to say and how you want them to say it. Funny thing is, I rather like both sides of writing. There are challenges and joys to be found in each.

Wonderful things happen when my creator and editor apply themselves, as long as I can manage to keep them separated.

Threats from pirates

As a writer one of the things you have to learn to deal with are the many "sharing" websites that illegally offer your books. In some ways, I guess it's a compliment that people like your books so much that they want to share them. I try to keep that in mind, really I do. The problem is that I spend many, many hours across many months writing these books and I only get paid in royalties. So when my books hit these share sites I lose my hard earned income. My last book was available for free downloads only hours after its release and I made so little money off it that it didn't even pay for the paper and ink involved, let alone any of my time. I'm a single mom, and yes, I have a day job that pays my bills but my writing income is what I use for "treats" that we couldn't otherwise afford (dinners out, movies and the occasional weekend adventure). When people download my work for free it isn't some big corporation they are ripping off - it's my fun time with my son that they are hurting. Most of the writers I know are in the same boat, or even worse, they're actually trying to make a living off their work and every royalty check is key to putting food on the table. If you've ever downloaded someone's book, think about that, okay?

Most of the time, I don't get too incensed about finding my books available for free downloads. I send the site an email explaining that the book is under copyright and ask them to remove it. Lately the responses I get back have set a long list of hurdles I have to pass in order to "prove" my copyright and "properly" request it's removal. It's a huge time drag and it just seems wrong that I have to prove my rights (like they couldn't just go look at the well known publisher's website and see that oh yeah, there it is!). But, okay, I went along with it. The latest response from a pirate site, however, has me absolutely floored. The website http://search.4shared.com not only came back with a long list of what I must do to prove copyright but it actually threatened me with the following: "...you may be liable for damages (including costs and attorneys fees) if you falsely claim that an in-world item is infringing your copyrights..." Then they tell me to hire a lawyer...as if most writers have the money to do that!

It just kills me, not only are they taking away our hard-earned income, now the pirates are threatening the writers with lawsuits and damages. The absolute cheek!

Writing sucks

There are millions of books out there. More books than I could read in my lifetime. With bookstores and libraries and e-publishing websites, it is easy to find a story that appeals to your taste, and then to simply sit back and let yourself get carried away by someone else's hard work. So why do I sit at this computer – especially after hours spent at my "real" job – making up yet more stories?

Unfortunately (or fortunately if you happen to like erotic romances like Taking Chances or In A Dark Embrace) making up stories is not something I can choose to stop doing. Characters insist on speaking inside my head while scenes flow through my mind like a movie on a screen. There are times when my fingers stumble on the keyboard, just trying to keep up with the inner dialogue. It is a blessed sort of madness. But the result of that first flood of writing is only raw compost for a story – rich with potential but needing so much more before it is ready to face a reader.

Crafting my stories, going over and over each passage and chapter, digging for just the right word, filling in gaps, strengthening characters, twisting subtle threads into the plot and breathing detail and depth into scenes – that is just plain, hard work. And sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it is forced labor. Sometimes hours go by and I hate everything I've done. Although not always. Not even usually. More often I feel deep satisfaction with what I've managed to convey using only one humble little word after another. I am amazed at how whole new individuals and their different, wicked, wild, painful and joyous realities can be contained on pages that I have written. Bringing a finished story forth from the earthy muck of my imagination, fills me with both wonder and pride.

Mind you, no story ever feels 100% finished. At some point, you simply have to stop working on it and send it out the door to face a waiting editor. It's hard to send your new baby out, even once you have the great, good fortune of a direct link to an editor. Far, far , harder is to send your story into one of the many slush piles in which manuscripts routine lose their way. Plastered with rejection letter after rejection letter, your lovely child begins to look like a tattered urchin, desperately seeking a home. At those time, writing doesn't just suck, it damn well hurts. And yet, I and so many others, continue to do it.

Is it because of the rapture we feel when one of our stories does get accepted? The writer's happy dance upon receipt of an acceptance letter is always deeply felt, no matter how frequent or infrequent that result may be. I want to shout "my child is wanted, my child is loved"! It is indeed a wonderful sensation. But, no, by itself that would never make my labors worthwhile. If I needed an acceptance letter in order to write, I would have given up long ago.

I write to keep my own inner fires burning. There is a gratification, a sense of fulfillment and enrichment, that comes from creating any form of art that feeds the soul. And that part of writing – or painting or dance or whatever – exists whether you share your art with the world or not. Of course, there is a drive to have your creation recognized and adored by others. Fear and self-doubt fight with the urge to expose the fruits of our imagination to a (hopefully appreciative) audience. Notwithstanding that inner battle, and the inevitable moments of painful rejection when you choose to take your work out into the world, the act of creation is still worthwhile. Tapping into your creative juices, crafting that raw potential and laboring to bring forth something uniquely yours, has rewards all by itself.

Writing sucks. I highly recommend you try it.